The power of words

    Words are so incredibly powerful. Assuming that they are the precursor to action, the words at yesterday's  inauguration suggest the welcomed return to civility, kindness and unity.  May it ever be so.

    The carelessness with which words have been used in recent years has made me quite anxious. At the beginning of the last presidency, I was concerned about the inattention to tone, which seemed to diminish the dignity of the office.  Many people attributed this rough delivery to the inexperience of a political outsider. There were excuses for speech that was not just undiplomatic and disreputable, but rhetoric that was becoming more divisive.  Some claimed that these unscripted and informal words of 'a regular guy' helped to foster connection between the leader and the governed. However, the disparaging late night tweets reinforced my impression of coarseness and presidential impulsivity.  The weary public seemed to become numb to brash words coming from the White House, both written and spoken. 

    The dehumanization of political adversaries with cartoonish nicknames during the campaign, eventually gave way to unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud, post election . The torrent of unkind words--which could be characterized as either careless or calculated, depending upon your political position-- culminated in the storming of the capitol on January 6th, which left five people dead. At a minimum, the intent of the crowd that marched at the urging of the president was to halt the counting of electoral votes. There were some individuals who expressed a far more threatening intent that day, seeking specific people to target with violence after bashing in windows, forcing their way into the Senate and interrupting the constitutionally mandated work. However you view it, this was a historic low point for American democracy, fueled by foul words, mistrust and insurrection. 

    Words had powered all of this destruction- of the Capitol building as well as our democratic tradition.  

    Two weeks later, listening to the inauguration of Joe Biden, I heard words being used for a different effect. The thoughtful selection of words began to soothe our nation through music, speech and poetry.  I listened in my car, utterly transfixed in the Red Cross parking lot (becoming increasingly late for my appointment to donate platelets). But I was thirsty for the beautiful crafting of words, craving ideas that could uplift and inspire our bruised collective.

    Twenty-two year old Amanda Gorman wove a lyrical message of hope, acknowledging the challenges that we face and encouraging our nation to come together as we move forward.  Watching her performance at home later only visually reinforced the beauty and grace that I heard in her poetry. Click here to watch: Video of Poet Laureate   The following lines particularly spoke to me:

    I was not surprised by the balm of compassion and message of hope that our nation received yesterday because I have experienced personal kindness from the president before. The first time that I met Joe Biden was in the early weeks after my son Brent died from leukemia.   

    Grief may have overwhelmed me in those early months of 2018, but my daughter was in the midst of her own cancer treatment.  I was not afforded the luxury of remaining in bed with the curtains drawn, tempting as that might have been. I spent months in the hospital with Lauren, talking with her physicians and caregivers, and making difficult decisions. Living in that fishbowl, my handling of Brent's death was on full display, even while I continued to advocate for Lauren.  

    My dear friend Mills had worked in executive medicine during the Obama administration, responsible for organizing care for the Obamas and the Bidens.  She was responsible for arranging care for Beau Biden at Walter Reed.  She was also tasked with providing opportunities for the Vice President and his family to visit Beau privately while he struggled with, and eventually died of brain cancer in 2015.  Mills generously asked me to be her +1 when the Vice President invited her to attend his book tour . I took advantage of a break in Lauren's treatment to drive to Washington DC.

    We went to the event with friends of Mills who had also served the Biden family in the White House. It wasn't until the four of us were standing in the security line, that I understood that I would have the opportunity to meet the former Vice President. This man had lead the Cancer Moonshot, looking for ways to accelerate cures for a disease that has profoundly touched so many families in America. Brent and I had talked about this work so often.

    Meeting the Vice President a few moments later, I was overwhelmed, rendered speechless.  Mills kindly introduced me and explained that I had lost my son to cancer a few weeks prior.  The meet-and-greet line, which had been moving at an efficient clip, abruptly stopped while he talked with me about loss and prayed quietly over my hands, filled with compassion and kindness.  He gave me a phone number, should I ever need to call him.

    A few months later, I had the opportunity to meet Joe Biden again, at a dinner hosted by Senator Sherrod Brown.  I took Lauren to meet the man who worked toward solutions in cancer, using his platform, his time and talent to help those who have witnessed and experienced the relentless cruelty of cancer.  I was stunned that he remembered our family's story. 

    While I listened to the words spoken at his presidential inauguration yesterday, I was reminded of the regret expressed by Joe Biden on both of those nights, almost three years ago.  He lamented that by not running for the presidency in 2016, he would not be able to continue the Moonshot Initiative and be the president that helped to cure cancer. He believed that by bringing bright minds together and facilitating collaboration, progress could be greatly accelerated. He was not afraid to be bold, to take on difficult and overwhelming tasks. He was using his own painful experience to help others and honor his son. While we have more pressing health concerns in the United States today, I am hopeful that the collaborative lessons of the Moonshot might be used to address those other problems, like COVID 19.

    But perhaps the most important sign for our country, yesterday's ceremony had a conciliatory tone. Words are being used thoughtfully, to bring people together rather than to divide them. There was poetry to inspire us to become the best versions of ourselves. My friend Mills, who introduced me to the president, often shares the transformative power of literature, of music and poetry.  Words, we all know, can bridge and build, as well as destroy and divide.   

    Just as Joe Biden embraced me and murmured a prayer for a grieving mother, I would pray for the well being of the nation that he must now lead. To quote Amanda Gorman, the United States is "a nation that isn't broken, but simply unfinished."  She empowers us to write something beautiful. 

She concludes her poem with a challenge: 

if only we're brave enough to be it.

Let the personal and the collective healing begin.